Patel is a Gujju-bhai. Patel was bragging to his boss
one day,' You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name
someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK,
Patel how about Tom Cruise?'
'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel
and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and
sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel! Great to see you. You and your
friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although impressed,
Patel's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he
thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone
else,' Patel says.
'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.' And off
they go. At the White House, Bush spots Patel on the tour and motions
him and his boss over, saying, 'Patel , what a surprise, I was just on
my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have
a cup of coffee first and catch up.'
Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not
totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he
expresses his doubts to Patel who again implores him to name anyone
'The Pope,' his boss replies.
'Sure!' says Patel . 'My folks use to live in Germany, and I've known
the Pope a long time.'
So off they fly to Rome. Patel and his boss are
assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Patel says,'This will
never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell
you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll
come out on the balcony with the Pope.' And he disappears into the
crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Patel emerges with the
Pope on the balcony. But by the time Patel returns, he finds that his
boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Patel asks him, 'What
His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope
came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, who's that man on
the balcony with Patel?
A Patel walks into a bank
in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to
Europe on business for two weeks andneeds to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls
Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out,
and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An
employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks
Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and
the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are
very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked
ut very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we
checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles
us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Patel replied, "Where else in New York can I park my
car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
Gujarati = a share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujaratis = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
One Bihari = Laloo
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.
One Punjabi =100
kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
One Mallu =
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
Andhraite = chilli farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum
Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the
at rush hour
Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.